A Command Decision has been made!

Think waaaaaaay back to two days ago.  When I listed the things that contribute to my stress in relation to eating.  Some were bigger than others, but they’re all there.  Well, I took a step today to reduce some of my stress.  I dropped my Calculus class.

It’s an expensive decision, but it’s the biggest thing that I can control right now, and it was causing a lot of stress by itself.  Once I made the decision, I felt relieved.  Kind of 😐 at the money down the drain, but relieved nonetheless.

So let’s move forward with a significantly less-cluttered mind.  I’m keeping the other class, computer coding, but the calculus will have to wait.  I’ll reassess later.  In the mean time… 🙂

Kind of interesting how this blog has meandered and evolved from one place to another.  I still consider weight loss and everything associated with the original heart health theme.

Stress Eating

Do you believe “stress eating” is a thing?  You know, where people basically overeat to cope with stress.  It’s actually quite common.  I know people who would scoff at this notion, claim the people are just weak and/or making excuses, blah blah blah.  I am not one of those people.  I have always believed it was legit, I just didn’t think I suffered from it.  I eat excessively out of boredom and simply liking good food.  I think good food is one of the pleasures of life, so I indulge.

I have other ways of dealing with stress.  I sleep.  It’s easy. If I’m feeling stressed, or down, or whatever, I go take a nap, sometimes a long nap.  I can even stay in bed trying to go back to sleep for hours after I wake up.  Sleeping is my escape, literally.

And sleep works well when I’m at home, but I’m not always at home.  What do I do when I’m at work or just out and about?  Well, now that I’m thinking about it more closely in my weight loss program, and with current life events, I think maybe I do stress eat, albeit only as “Plan B” when there is no bed or bedroom to escape to.

I generally loathe airing my issues to others,  but I feel like I have to here so it makes sense to anyone reading.  In no particular order, I have going on right now…

  • My mother’s health issues.  She fell and broke her hip a little over a month ago, and was admitted to hospice care just yesterday.  She’s 83 and very frail and, well, very ‘close’, if you know what I mean.
  • School.  I’m still going back to school.  Two classes this semester, computer coding and calculus.  And calculus is kicking my rear end… again.
  • Work.  Work isn’t going badly, not at all, it’s just busy.  I have two projects coming to an end and I have 2 or 3 lined up right after that, maybe overlapping.  As I always say, “Beats looking for work.”
  • Toastmasters.  I have sporadic duties to keep up with for the District (State of Iowa, basically).  This is actually the least of my current obligations, but it’s still one of them.
  • Routine mundane day-to-day life.  Tasks around the house, keeping up with daily life chores, trying to fit in some relaxation and fun, too.

Yeah, that’s it.  And as I’m thinking about this more and more, and comparing my binge/cheat eating with my weight loss program… because now it’s more pronounced than normal and easier to compare and measure… I’m starting to see a pattern.  I do indeed stress eat, though as ‘Plan B’, as mentioned before.

Virtually all of my stress eating since I started the program has centered around ‘events’ involving my mother.  I think that’s affecting me more and deeper than I was aware.  The others are somewhat normal for me, this adding a whole new amount of stuff is pushing my stress over the edge.  In short, overall I’m feeling very overwhelmed, with a new super-emotional aspect to make it all the more interesting.

I’m still at the plateau, though tomorrow’s weigh in will be interesting, and I’m roughly maintaining, so that’s good.  I’m not gaining everything back.  This is when I’m supposed to be introducing fruits and vegetables back into my diet, but I might go another week with the more bare bones plan to regain some of my momentum.

The Plateau

Still struggling, though not as bad or as much as I was for awhile.  Which is frustrating because I seem to have reached “The Plateau”, that point where you’ve lost the ‘easy’ weight and now have to actually work at it.  <full body shudder>

I think I mentioned before that I normally hovered in the 242-ish range.  I got down to just over 230… on the edge of the 220s cliff that I wanted to hit for the first time in almost two decades… and I regressed.  Shot back up into the upper 230s, then worked my way back down to the low 230s, only to shoot back up to the upper 230s again, which is where I’m at right now.

In the interest of full honesty, I think this last jump is not so much from bad meals (though there were a couple), but rather from stopping watching my sodium and missing a few days of my water pills.  Apparently even with losing weight I still need to watch my sodium intake and take my pills and squeeze as much water out as I can.

There’s also been some family heath issues that have been weighing heavily, no pun intended.  I am not a stress eater, per se, but there were times where I’ve figuratively thrown up my hands and thought, “Screw it.  I’m eating.”

On the positive side, in the work category, I’ve started exercising again.  The treadmill a couple times in the last week, for about 40 minutes at a time.  Put on a good Alice Cooper concert DVD and off I go!

Another positive aspect is that, today whenever I looked in the mirror, I swear I looked visibly thinner than I have in years.  I got kinda giddy every time I saw myself.  This matches what a friend told me several days ago, she told me it was visible in my face, my face was thinner.  The numbers notwithstanding, I can feel it, I feel good.

An Anniversary and an Update

The Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my heart surgery, and I have to say that things are going generally well.  Not without some speed bumps, of course, but overall I feel better.  As I mentioned in a previous post it’s hard to imagine that something so… big… could end up being such a positive.  And for all that I really am thankful.

The scars are fading.  I have regained most of the feeling in my left wrist… wasn’t expecting that, but it’s a good thing, right?  Stamina hasn’t fully returned, but to be fair I have not been exercising like I should.  All in all, I’d say an A-.

The Update

Ah, the weight loss program.  More speed bumps, but not without solid progress.  My issues with the food consistency is increasing.  My palatable options are becoming more limited.  Anything with a bread-like consistency is still off-putting to me.

I have been branching out and trying more dessert-like options, and some are very good.  There’s a recipe for lemon bars that is absolutely awesome.  I’m still making shakes.  There’s a handful of other recipes that are good.

I have also been cheating more often.  Not every day, but more often than I should.  The positive side is that I have been making better choices than when I started cheating.  Instead of a Wendy’s Baconator or some Arby’s half-pound beefy-cheesy thing or a Popeye’s 4 pc meal, all of which weigh in at 900 to 1700 calories, I’ve discovered Jimmy John’s Turkey “Unwich” (no bread, wrapped in lettuce).  I add cucumbers, onion, peppers, and pickles, and it’s a whopping 260 calories!  Nice, and surprisingly tasty.  Add a 20 calorie pickle and we’ve got a satisfying meal for under 300.  I could see myself doing this more often even after the program is over… which is kind of the point.

With all that I have, so far and as of this morning, lost 33 lbs.  I’m on the edge of slipping into the 220s, a place I haven’t been in near 17 years.  So, even with the frustration, I am able to adjust and still make it work in my favor.