The Power of the Mind

One week left.  Our weight loss program has one week left.  Next Thursday the 9th will be our last meeting and the program will be done.  With the “new me” looming I sit here with mixed feelings…

1. It has been well worth the cost and effort.  I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve lost a significant amount of weight.  I’m eating better, overall.  I’m eating less.  I’m feeling better.  I have more energy.
2. The first half, for me, went great.  The second half… hasn’t been a loss (no pun intended)… but I feel like it hasn’t been a success, either.  I’ve maintained.  Which isn’t bad, but isn’t what I wanted.  For example, between the November 21st weigh in and yesterday, with many ups and downs in between, I lost 1.4 lbs.
3. Per #2 above, that 1.4 lb weight loss could be taken in different ways…
   1. – That’s not very much.
   2. – You lost weight through the holidays!?!  That’s awesome!
   3. – I maintained, which was my updated goal due to circumstances, which I will get more into below.  So I succeeded.
4. Now that I’m faced with being “set free” like a bird out of the nest, I suddenly feel uneasy about being on my own.  I mean, I’ve been on my own my entire adult life, but things are different now.

I mentioned in my Stress Eating post on September 27, 2019, that my mother’s health has been an issue, and it still is.  She’s been in hospice since September, and still is.  With some ups and downs, her heath has remained relatively steady.  Add to that some really dumbass family drama, and that whole scenario has been lying in the background the whole time.

In October I told all this to my endocrinologist during a routine check-up for the weight loss program, and she said due to the circumstances I should focus on maintaining my weight for the time being and not so much on weight loss.  I was ok with that because it seemed reasonable and not overly demanding.  So, in that sense, I have been successfully navigating my weight.  That’s good, right?

But I don’t feel like it’s good.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been successful overall. With my own set of ups and downs, I’ve been hovering in the 232 to 234 lb range since October, I’ve lost approximately 35 lbs.  I should be celebrating, but I don’t feel it.  I knew that weight loss slows down after an initial significant weight loss, and my cardiologist adjusted some of my meds because I was beginning to have issues with low blood pressure, which changes one’s weight loss results, too.  My goal… maybe ‘hope’ would be better… was to lose 50 lbs, to be solidly in the 210s by now.

The experts would tell me I’m being too negative and I need to focus on the positives… and they’re certainly there… so maybe I need to follow the Captain’s advice in Cool Hand Luke and… get my mind right.