Category: Support

The Power of the Mind

One week left.  Our weight loss program has one week left.  Next Thursday the 9th will be our last meeting and the program will be done.  With the “new me” looming I sit here with mixed feelings…

  1. It has been well worth the cost and effort.  I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve lost a significant amount of weight.  I’m eating better, overall.  I’m eating less.  I’m feeling better.  I have more energy.
  2. The first half, for me, went great.  The second half… hasn’t been a loss (no pun intended)… but I feel like it hasn’t been a success, either.  I’ve maintained.  Which isn’t bad, but isn’t what I wanted.  For example, between the November 21st weigh in and yesterday, with many ups and downs in between, I lost 1.4 lbs.
  3. Per #2 above, that 1.4 lb weight loss could be taken in different ways…
    1. – That’s not very much.
    2. – You lost weight through the holidays!?!  That’s awesome!
    3. – I maintained, which was my updated goal due to circumstances, which I will get more into below.  So I succeeded.
  4. Now that I’m faced with being “set free” like a bird out of the nest, I suddenly feel uneasy about being on my own.  I mean, I’ve been on my own my entire adult life, but things are different now.

I mentioned in my Stress Eating post on September 27, 2019, that my mother’s health has been an issue, and it still is.  She’s been in hospice since September, and still is.  With some ups and downs, her heath has remained relatively steady.  Add to that some really dumbass family drama, and that whole scenario has been lying in the background the whole time.

In October I told all this to my endocrinologist during a routine check-up for the weight loss program, and she said due to the circumstances I should focus on maintaining my weight for the time being and not so much on weight loss.  I was ok with that because it seemed reasonable and not overly demanding.  So, in that sense, I have been successfully navigating my weight.  That’s good, right?

But I don’t feel like it’s good.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been successful overall. With my own set of ups and downs, I’ve been hovering in the 232 to 234 lb range since October, I’ve lost approximately 35 lbs.  I should be celebrating, but I don’t feel it.  I knew that weight loss slows down after an initial significant weight loss, and my cardiologist adjusted some of my meds because I was beginning to have issues with low blood pressure, which changes one’s weight loss results, too.  My goal… maybe ‘hope’ would be better… was to lose 50 lbs, to be solidly in the 210s by now.

The experts would tell me I’m being too negative and I need to focus on the positives… and they’re certainly there… so maybe I need to follow the Captain’s advice in Cool Hand Luke and… get my mind right.

Setback? Nah – Missy’s View

I was not panicked. Just concerned. I did not think that I needed to worry too much, but I did pray. I had to pray we got there in one piece, as the roads were a bit dicey. We got there and I dropped Ken off at ER so I could park the car. I knew he would be in a room when I returned and he was. They had already started hooking him up to do his EKG and we were once again drawn into the crazy world of do a test and wait.

At one point they gave Ken a nitro pill. After that the symptoms subsided and they did another EKG. His EKG had changed ever so slightly. Right after this they took him for his CT scan. I sat in that little room thinking about the fact that the nitro effected his symptoms. For the first time I started to worry. I started to get major anxiety. He was gone a bit and I really just needed to see him. I was very relieved when they brought him back and said they were thinking of keeping him over night for observation. This was a relief because I WAS worried at that point.

I left Ken so I could go home and get some things for us. (Yes, I stayed with him.) I made a couple phone calls as I was leaving the hospital and warming up the car. Then took my time going home. Once I was home I gathered items and took care of the cat. On the way back I stopped to get something to eat. I sat and ate it before heading back. I guess I took too long because Ken started to worry about ME. Time to settle in for the night.

I slept on a cot and we got a few hours of sleep. Not much though. The morning brought more testing and waiting. We made do but it was a LONG day. When the Cardio doctor came with his nurse practitioner they pretty much said they knew it was not his heart. However, the doctor started talking about staying another night. We wanted nothing to do with that! They sent him for a stress test and called it good. We finally got out after 5 that night. 24 hours in the hospital, but it was all worth it to know he was well and safe!

From the wife’s point of view!

Consciousnesses

I honestly consider myself very fortunate that everything has gone so well, regarding surgery and recovery. I do struggle with maintaining a proper diet, but I am doing better in a relative sense, so I’m telling myself that’s going in a positive direction.

I don’t remember if I mentioned this before, but in my rehab class I’m probably one of the better/best “in shape” people, which makes me feel good, but on the flip side I’m also clearly the youngest, which I do not consider to be a badge of honor.

You never know, though, just by looking at someone.  There was one guy, 79 years old and super nice, who could run circles around me and everyone else, but he’s done now.  He left early because his insurance wouldn’t pay for anymore and he could walk at home for free.  Can’t say that I blame him on that one, though I was sorry to see him go.

It’s interesting to me that there’s a couple guys in rehab that you can tell are concerned with their macho image. As part of our “cool down” at the end there’s a little weight training, just really minor. These guys will pick the biggest weights, and the way they work them you’d swear they think they’re on Venice Beach, or something, posing for the babes. ?

One of these guys, who finished just last week, I believe has had a couple minor “events” during his rehab workout. He always has the biggest weights, his treadmill was always set at the highest incline and a high speed, and so on. I felt like he was showing off as much as anything, but the “events” told me he needed to be smarter about it.

As for me, I’m quite content just doing my thing and working in a smooth and steady progression.  That’s fine by me.

Surgery Day

Up at 4am.  To the hospital before 5:30.  Let the games begin!  We do not sit around and wait for long.  We are taken back and put in a prep room.  Nurse comes in and asks questions and is way too cheery for that time in the morning.  Then she leaves us so Ken will be able to get “dressed”.  More like UNdressed.  Gown and socks only.

Let the fun begin!  Vitals checked, tons of questions asked and answered.  Then the shaving starts.  Yes, I said shaving.  TEEHEE!  Ken got almost all of his front half shaved.  Neck down.  He had already shaved his face the night before.  He made sure to tell the young nurse who was shaving him that he was a bit ticklish on his tummy.  She was avoiding that while others where coming and going and talking to him.  This process took the better part of an hour.  The whole time she worked hard to keep the more private parts covered.  When she did get to shaving the stomach area, it was VERY amusing.  Ken had to clench all up and make faces while trying not to laugh.  Trust me, there were some escaping giggles.

More vitals and questions before he was taken away from me and I went to the waiting room to collect my beeper.  The beeper was my life line to Ken.  Now, I will not say that I was scared or even really worried just yet.  I had instructions on how the day would go and what to expect.  I knew there was a board in the waiting area that told you where your person was in the process.  I had a color coated card to be sure I could read it.  I had a beeper that would go off any time there was news and I needed to talk to someone.  I also had three of the most awesome friends waiting for me.

Lisa, Teresa, and Kerry were waiting for me when I came out.  They drove over from Illinois the night before and stayed near by.  I was so glad to see their sleepy faces!  After greetings and a little discussion they went down to the cafeteria with me.  I would not have made it through without the distraction they brought me.  It went a little like this…  I would check “the board” and one of them would check on me.  The beeper would go off and I would go find out what was going on, and they all watched my every move.  Once they knew life was good, they went back to the jokes and the stories.  The teasing and the laughter.  Yes, that is what friends are for!  Eventually his sister, Vicki, showed up too.  She was there for the talk with the surgeon and this was very helpful.

When surgery was over they told me they would come get me when he was settled and I would be allowed to visit for 10 minutes every hour.  Only 10 minutes!?!?!  OK…I guess.  I was retrieved and went back for my first 10 minute visit.  He was aware and looked at me and squeezed my hand.  That was all I could ask for at that point.  After my 10 minutes I went back out to say good bye to my fantastic friends.  I could not thank them enough for what they did.  Then his sister and I sat and waited until the next visit time.

More waiting and progress stories to come.

Missy  🙂